Again

I went to a flag dedication ceremony with my mother on Tuesday. There was something very beautiful and poetic about standing in the snow listening to the Honor Guard play "Taps" as they lowered a tattered flag to the ground and handed it to Jessica. My life has changed so much since the 6th of April; it's crazy to think that I could ever be that person that I was before. I can't return to the waters of youth, and it's foolish to even try.

There is such loss here, such complete insanity. We collapsed when we finally came back from Charles and Irene's house and slept until three this morning. I haven't lived that way since that bygone summer of insanity. We are so young and... lost, I suppose. I don't have the faintest idea what we are doing.

Foutch is hiding again. I've got to go and try to find him. Maybe this incident will be inspiration.

Goodbye, Gaia.

I need to stop logging on there. I'm on even now. Why is it taking me so long to just get the fuck out of there? I'm so tired and confused right now. I have to go back to counselling Monday, and I want to have something to show for the weeks that I've been gone, but nothing has changed. Not one damn thing. At least I have showered since then although my hair is greasy enough now that no one would know it. I have to get out of there. It's eating away at my soul. I've forgotten what the light of day looks like.

I'm frazzled and aimless. My room needs to be cleaned; laundry needs to be done; I need to visit my family. I'm pretty sure that my brain has fallen asleep. One thing that I know to be true currently, is that I need to sever most of my ties with Gaia and soon. I've wasted too much of my life there already.